In the process of further downsizing my original fourteen file drawers of personal papers and forty-one years of writing, I’ve been reading old journals and acknowledging old stories. Yesterday I came across the telling of a vision I’d had in 2015 during a Drumming Journey after asking for direction on a personal problem. Today, I realized I hadn’t completed the instructions I’d received in the vision. My body tightened with guilt and a little shame. How could I have disregarded this important message?
In fact, I had done the exact opposite of what had been given to me in a ceremonial way. Ugh! Ooof!
Looking at the space between then and now, I realized that if I had implemented the suggestion, my life might have been very different. I could feel remorse building.
Until …. I took stock of where I am in this moment. I’m in a good place in my head, in my heart. I may not have everything I want. Who does? I may not feel complete. Do we ever?
Right here, right now, all is as it can be. And to feel anything less is a disservice to everything I’ve experienced since then. So, alright, I didn’t follow the instructions in the vision. I never follow recipes and often ad lib my everyday plans while following a general outline. The ‘to do’ list gets longer as I flit from one project to another and eventually, I get several of them completed all at once. Could I have done the same thing here?
The reality is, however, that the long-ago unheeded vision that gave a solution is just that, long ago. There is no way to go back and change it. I also have no way of knowing if there would have been different results. My best bet is to “throw it over the bridge” as a wise woman I know often advises and go on from here.
To be honest, the original problem no longer exists. I can honestly say, “Shame and blame begone! Today is a new day.”